I thought I would spare Facebook the post and put it all here. Today would have been my mother in law's 68th birthday ( I think) and tomorrow will be 6 years since my Grandbarb passed. All day I have been thinking and just mulling over emotions that come with these kinds of days. One of my good friends, and M's 2 best little buds, are moving away and it happened rather quickly. Another, will be in and out and within year probably gone to another state as well. Of course, this is all expected with military life but that doesn't make it any easier. My heart it heavy with the loss that I have felt and will feel. While I feel a strong desire to draw in and just avoid the pain, I also have deep joy. As I get older I feel a richness to the blessings of life.

Recently I read a blog and it referenced "living with out a budget" regarding time. Each day is a gift, we can't save up time, we can only invest it. With new fervor I am diving into new friendships and reveling in the blessings each day brings. I am just so very thankful for the people that God chooses to bring into our life for however long He sees fit. Rather than focus on the brevity I will focus and the richness. In His sovereignty He has set the course of my life and the people with whom my course will cross. I am better for knowing all of these them. Rejoicing in these few minutes to sit and just really let the blessing sink deep into my soul and heal the wounds of the loss.

Passing moments

By nature, I am an emotional and sentimental person. ( I know...you are shocked) Having Morgan has only increased those tendencies. Not just the frequency but the depth. Lately, I have been so convicted about letting moments flee. None of us knows when our time on earth will come to an end. I feel as though that reality has been directly in front of me the past month or so. I am not promised that tomorrow I will still have my husband, daughter or anything that I hold dear today. We all treasure "important" times like first birthdays or Christmas and times like those but what about the everyday moments. Like, the moment you pick up your child in the morning and they greet you with a smile that warms your heart like nothing else. What about just having your husband relaxing on the couch, his presence filling your mind with praise for such a man. Being in the military community I am so much more aware of the wonderful blessing of being together as a family as we never know when that will change.

This year I have made it my goal to become more content at the end of the year than when I started it. Notice I didn't say to actually be content! I think that might be to lofty a goal for me! :) I know the Lord has planted seeds of that contentment and they are just beginning to take root. I want to breathe in these special moments that we call everyday life and burn them into my memory. I feel the need to soak in these little joys and relish them. I am blessed beyond what I deserve and my heart is full. These are just a few moments that I captured of one of our favorite times of the day...breakfast. Thanks for reading!

Christmas is the time....

Christmas has got to be one of my favorite holidays. I love the decorations, the smells, the tastes, the excitement, the wonder...I could go on and on. I love remembering the birth of Christ and taking an entire season to focus on it.

I think I can safely call myself a frustrated perfectionist. In my minds eye I can see things as they should be, a beautiful table set for a perfect feast, a house tastefully decorated to be admired by all who see it. I get so wrapped up in all of these wonderful things that I become frustrated when they aren't exactly as I see them and I can't make them measure up to my own standards. The other day I was thinking these thoughts and chided myself for my ungrateful spirit and prayed for the grace to overcome this "funk".

I am reading a wonderful book, for the third time, called "Treasuring God in our Traditions". I cannot recommend it highly enough. It's not just a book for Christmas but for all year. She calls us to have a purpose for the things we do, the purpose is to point others to Christ. I am so excited for Morgan understand the time of advent and to understand the reason we can celebrate Christmas. I am thankful that she is young enough not to recognize my utter failure this year. No matter what else, I have a Savior that came to earth as a fragile baby. As a mother, I cannot imagine the emotions that Mary must have felt knowing what her precious Son would endure, for my sin.

I share this because I am sure that someone is in the same boat I am...passing every store that shouts at us what we need for the perfect season. I am purposing to refocus my thoughts to the blessing and joy that is mine because of the precious gift of Jesus.

Not "perfect"

Wow, so my goal of blogging has gone by the wayside, to say the VERY least! My heart is so full of blessing that I have to share and Facebook just didn't seem like the right outlet.

Over the past few months I have been feeling anxious and discontent for lack of a better word. Things in life aren't just as I would like them to be and for those of you who know me, that's hard for me. I am beyond blessed and have my needs provided for and a lot of my wants but things just aren't "perfect". In the recesses of my mind I was along thoughts to creep in like---
Maybe I should look into a job to pay for more of my wants, I was happier when I was working (totally not the case), I am a bad housewife anyway and on and on the list goes.

I know these thoughts are wrong and I should have spoken truth to myself but sadly did not. Spending time in the Word and reflecting helped me realize the lies I was believing. God has called me to this place at this time for a specific reason. Maybe I am not able to teach Morgan great truths and the age of 10 months but I can show her love and build a foundation for those truths. I can pray that her heart will be ready to hear the truths and that they will take hold in her young heart.

When I stopped focusing on what wasn't "perfect" in my mind I was able to see that there is really so many things to be thankful for. My sweet baby girl, everyday is a gift and I praise the Lord for entrusting her to us. I am so very thankful for a husband that shares my desire to have me be home during these crucial years in Morgans life. I am thankful to the Lord. He is so patient with me and tenderly leads me in the way that I should go.

I hope I haven't bored you all to tears but I wanted to share what God has been teaching me.

Being thankful for today

This morning for my devotions I was reading through Ecclesiastes. It can be quite the depressing book unless you read through the end. I was reading how that you work your whole life to accumulate wealth only to leave it to someone else and who knows whether that person will be wise or foolish. I read "There is a time for everything and a season for every activity under the sun. I began to get very emmotional (I place that I commonly find myself these days) and began to contemplate this life we live. What if Michael isn't able to be here for the birth of our first child, will I be able to withstand a miscarriage, what if I go to my next appointment and something is wrong, what if I am not a good mother, what kind of future will my child have in this world that seems to be spiraling out of control ...what if...what if...what if?

I am just over 8 weeks pregnant. I have longed to be in this place and yet rather than relishing in the blessing that God has given me for this moment I find myself looking so far ahead. There are many changes on the horizon, not the least of which is the child we are expecting. I look ahead with wonder, confusion, despair, joy, sorrow, anxiousness but in the midst of those emotions knowing that God is in control of it all. He each breath knew I would take before I was ever even thought of. What a comforting thought. It is such a challenge to me to sit and be still. To, as the writer of Ecclesiastes puts it, enjoy the sun and the moon, to be happy as a young person and live life as the blessing that it is. So often I am robbed of the joy of today because of things that are far outside of my grasp. So for today, I am going to attempt to relish this time. To be still and to see the beauty that each day holds and not glance to the future but fix my gaze on what I have been given today.

Looking backward and forward

I am reading a book that I LOVE! It's called "Treasuring God in our Traditions". I just wanted to share a little thought that I read from it today:

"Memory is the mother of all traditions. Almost all of our special days are celebrated because they remind us of something significant in the past. A birthday looks back to a birth. An anniversary looks back to a wedding. A funeral looks back on a life. Christmas looks back at Jesus' birth and Easter looks back on His death and resurrection. Our celebrations are occasions to look back and remember what God has done in the world and in our lives.


At the same time we are also looking forward. The preparations we make and the eagerness we feel as we look ahead toward a special day are a foretaste of he emotions we will experience when we encounter God in a special way as we celebrate. And that encounter with God is, in turn, a foreshadowing of the great day when we will see Him face to face.


...How would a birthday celebration change if we looked at our birthday person and imagined God's hands knitting him or her together, if we thought of his or her unabridged story written in God's book, if we remember that this day was chosen by God specifically for this person? Ours is only a pale reflection of God's love, but it is one of the means God uses to point our child toward himself.



Tradition -1 a : an inherited, established, or customary pattern of thought, action, or behavior (as a religious practice or a social custom) b : a belief or story or a body of beliefs or stories relating to the past that are commonly accepted as historical though not verifiable 2 : the handing down of information, beliefs, and customs by word of mouth or by example from one generation to another without written instruction 3 : cultural continuity in social attitudes, customs, and institutions

Relief

This morning I woke up with some things that gave us concern. I called the doctor and they saw me this afternoon. Praise the Lord, everything looks fine. We got to see the little person that is causing such a fuss already and it's little heartbeat. I have a second appointment in a few weeks but everything looked wonderful!! :) We couldn't be more happy. I am 6 weeks and 3 days.

Sorry for the crooked, small pics. I couldn't figure out how to make them larger...and got tired of trying! :)